A funny blog I found awhile back. Dude blogs about comments his old man says. Pretty funny read.

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

"You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it."

this guy makes sense. he must be a member here.

I think you just found River.

LMAO.. That's awesome..

"I wanted to see Detroit win. I've been there. It's like God took a shit on a parking lot. They deserve some good news."

More chit............

"STOP apologizing. You're sorry, he gets it, Jesus. You spilled a glass of wine, not forked his wife."

“Calm down. You don’t just grab a ruler and tell everyone to whip their dicks out. You stuff your crotch and keep your pants on.”

"Sprain, huh? Did you go to medical school?... Well I did, so spare me your dog-shit diagnosis and lemme look at your ankle."

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

"Can we talk later? The news is on... Well, if you have tuberculosis it's not gonna get any worse in the next 30 minutes, jesus."

"Might not do a damn bit of good, but tell people to donate to Haiti on your twitter thing." TEXT "Haiti" to 90999 to donate 10$

"No presents goddamit. I'm turning 74. I don't need you to commemorate that with a forking Barnes and Noble gift card."

"Been thinking for a while, and I'd say there's 1.5 pounds of shit in the dog. Tried to get the vet to weigh a sack of it. No dice."

"I'm just gonna be me and they can go fork themselves...Don't care, that's the only attitude you can have when you go to the DMV."

"Universe is 14 billion years old. Seems silly to celebrate one year. Be like having a forking parade every time i take a piss."

“Yes I got him a gift. He had a kidney stone. You piss a rock through your pecker, you deserve more than just a pat on the forking back."

"You can watch the house while I'm gone. Just don't call me unless something's on fire, and don't screw in my bed."

"Fine, let’s take a vote. Who wants fish for dinner?...Yeah, democracy ain’t so fun when it forks you, huh?”

"Mom is smarter than you...No? Well, ask yourself this; has mom ever unknowingly had toilet paper hanging out of her ass?...Mom 1. You 0"

"I like See's candy. Put me in a See's store, I'm eating candy. The whole world is Tiger's See's store, and the candy is vagina."

"Pressure? Get married when you want. Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants."

"We're out of Grape Nuts... No, what's left is for me. Sorry, I should have said "You're out of Grape Nuts."

"I just want silence. Jesus, it doesn't mean I don't like you. It just means right now, I like silence more."

"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."

"Don't mess with him...Trust me, you don't fork with a man that sleeps next to a woman he never screws. They're unpredictable."

"I don't get it; I sweat, I smell fine. You sweat, you smell like mule shit...Relax, she's on the treadmill next to you, she knows."

Classic......

A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed."

“You seen my cell phone?...What’s it look like? Like two horses forking. It’s a phone, son. It looks like a phone."


"Stop trying so hard. He doesn't like you. Jesus, don't kiss an ass if it's in the process of shitting on you"


"I’m not sure you can call that roughing it, son… Well, for one, there was a forking minivan parked forty feet from your sleeping bags.”