If you haven't noticed, Ranger has a really good thread going about what marriage is not. I thought it appropriate to start a thread about what marriage should be and how to strengthen your marriage. The covenant is currently under attack from many angles. As often said in warfare, the best offense is a good defense. Hopefully, we can get some really good discussion about strengthening your current marriage or making your future marriage last. That is the goal of this thread. I am sure there will be those that desire to attack this thread because they would like to attack Christianity and all which it represents. But, that is the #1 goal of the enemy...to plant doubt in your mind about your Faith.

First, I am going to cite a whole bunch of statistics pertaining to marriage, divorce and cohabitation. Note: all sources have been cited. After we all get to mull on these for a little bit, I will provide some scriptures and parallels to scriptures that will hopefully help you in your marriage or future marriage.


First the statistics:

A snapshot of marriage in the U.S.:

Marriage
•People are getting married later in life. The median age of those married for the first time is currently 28.3 for men and 25.8 for women (National Health Statistics Report, 2012). Compare this to the numbers from 1960, when the median age was 23 for men and 20 for women (The State of Our Unions 1999, 10).
•The marriage rate continues to decline in the United States. In fact, there has been a decline of over 50% from 1970 – 2010 in the annual number of marriages in every 1000 unmarried adult women. (The State of Our Unions 2011, 60)
•The percentage of married individuals, over the age of 18, who respond that their marriages are “very happy” has gradually declined over the last four decades, though the numbers have leveled out in the past 20 years. The most recent studies show that 63.1% of men and 60.7% of women classify their marriages as such. (The State of Our Unions 2011, 66)
•The rate of satisfaction in marriage is higher for husbands and wives when both regularly maintain religious attendance and feel that God is the center of their marriage. (The State of Our Unions 2011, 31, 33)
•“Compared with Whites, African Americans are more likely to have children outside of marriage, are less likely to marry at all, and if they do marry, are more likely to end their unions in divorce.” (Marital Quality in African American Marriages, 2011)
•Both men and women have higher life expectancies when married than those who are single or divorced. (Why Marriage Matters, 30)

Divorce
•The American divorce rate is nearly twice what it was in 1960, though it has declined somewhat since hitting an all-time high in 1980. This decline suggests a higher rate of marital stability, due to both a higher age of first marriage as well as the reservation of marriage for the economically stable. (The State of Our Unions 2011, 67,69)
•Current estimates suggest that 40-50% of recent marriages will end in separation, prior the death of either spouse. These figures can be dramatically decreased by a number of different factors. In other words, “if you are a reasonably well-educated person with a decent income, come from an intact family and are religious, and marry after the age of 25 without having a baby first, your chances of divorce are very low indeed.” (The State of Our Unions 2011, 69, 73)
•According to recent studies, the percentage of children that experience parental divorce by the age of 12 is estimated to be about 24%. (Why Marriage Matters, 44)
•Statistics show that, due to the lack of stability and support in the home, children from divorced parents experience significant decrease in academic success, physical health, and future stability in their own relationships. (Marriage and the Family in the United States: Resources for Society and Why Marriage Matters)

Cohabitation
•Couples who cohabit have a 46% greater risk of divorce than couples who do not live together before marriage (Marriage and the Family in the United States: Resources for Society, 10). Those who cohabit without a prior commitment to marriage are especially at risk if they eventually decide to marry. (see Dr. Scott Stanley, “Sliding vs Deciding” blog)
•There has been a significant increase in the number of women presently cohabiting with a man: from 3% in 1982 to 11% in 2006-2010. (National Health Statistics Report, 2012)
•“Among women, 68% of unions formed in 1997-2001 began as a cohabitation rather than as a marriage.” (National Health Statistics Report, 2012)
•Between 1960-2010, the number of cohabiting couples increased 17-fold. (The State of Our Unions 2011, 75)

I am going to start with this statement:

The rate of satisfaction in marriage is higher for husbands and wives when both regularly maintain religious attendance and feel that God is the center of their marriage.

I will say because the closer to God the husband and wife are, they closer to each other they become.

Pictures please:

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Very informative . Data seems credible. Thanks.

When a man and woman look at marriage as a contract, they are doomed for failure.

When a man and woman view marriage as a covenant, they have a greater chance at having a lasting relationship.

A contract is an agreement between two or more parties, especially one that is written and enforceable by law.

A covenant is a commitment or a binding agreement. The word actually comes from a word that means "to cut." Historically and Biblically, two people making a covenant would split animals and then walk between the two bloody halves, sealing their covenant in a blood bond.

Just as God reaffirmed His covenant with Israel on many occasions, a husband and wife must never lose their commitment to each other. The commitment is not only to your mate, but to the marriage itself.

Replace the word "love" with your name and have your spouse do the same with the scriptures below. This should be a model of how the two of you should conduct your lives.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become useless. But love will last forever!


More to come!


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Thanks good stuff

I really like that thought of replacing "love" with your name in applying the verse above. ....
A fresh way of reading that verse!

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Marriage requires being committed. No...not the white suits and rubber walls type committed! It takes commitment from the husband and the wife regardless of the circumstances. "The two are joined and become one" type of commitment.

Many marriage ceremonies these days have symbolism which represent this oneness with "unity candles" or the sand jars. The candle really symbolizes it well. The husband and wife each have a lit candle and together, they light another candle. Then, they extinguish their individual candles. This represents the two flames are now one flame. They must extinguish their old lives and start their new LIFE (notice it is not plural, anymore). They are now ONE.

Same scenario with the sand. The husband and wife each have a jar of different colored sand. Together, they empty their individual jars into one jar. They empty out their old lives and pour themselves into their new LIFE.

Jesus spoke in Matthew 19:4-6 when the Pharisees were trying to trap him with questions about marriage and the law of Moses, “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

That phrase "two become one" is very important to God. It is mentioned five times in the Bible! That means it is obviously pretty important.

To become one and stay one, the husband and wife need to each give of themselves to keep the one flame burning. Just as Jesus gave and sacrificed of Himself for the benefit of His Church (His Bride); the husband and wife should give and sacrifice of themselves for the benefit of the other.

If you really get down to the root cause of all marriage related difficulties and problems, what do you think would be the cause? Answer = Selfishness

The cure = SelfLESSness!

This is how two become one!


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I like that. Well put too. I have a request Blue, I go to church on the sundays I'm off and on the Sundays im workin I tune in to John Hagee, my wife does't go to church with me and my girls. I am a Christian and have given my life to the Lord and have asked Him to come into my heart. My wife was raised a hard core catholic and when I ash her to go to church she says that aint her religion, and I talk to her about askin Jesus in to her heart and everything. She says she believes in God but when I tell her the only way to Heaven is by askin Jesus in to her heart she replies that aint her religion. I try to explain to he that askin Jesus into your heart isnt a religion it is a relationship. I tell her that we can go to any church that she wants to if she would go with me and the girls. I was raised Baptist but go to a non denomanation church. I try very hard to live the way God wants me too by not cusin, drinkin etc. and I try to be an example to her. I pray for her and when I tell her that other people are prayin for her she gets irritated. I try not to push it too hard on her cause I don't want to turn her off to God, but I am worried about her. Will you please pray for my wife that she would start goin to church with me and my girls, and also my step-son to go too. Kylie did accept Jesus into her heart and I was so excited. My girls love to go to church which makes me happy. I just want to go as a family.

Gator, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Religion and politics...two delicate subjects in any personal relationship! I attended Catholic school from K through 8th grade. Mass every Friday. Then, my mom would drag us to a Methodist Church for Sunday School and Sunday service. She was pretty relentless. In general, it caused me to have resentment towards Church and religion way back then. For the longest of times, I only turned to God when "I needed" something. It was a one sided relationship. I wanted God to please me.

Now, I want to please God! I get mad at myself when I feel I did something that I know was not pleasing to God. This is EXACTLY how God wants our marriages to be! We should be living to please our spouse. Our spouse should be living to please us!

I know how "regimented" Catholicism was back then. Even about ten years ago, I was infrequently attending Catholic mass. I still knew every line of every response, knew when to kneel, when to stand and when to sit. Things hadn't changed much at all from the 70's. Now, we attend a Bible based, non-denominational (I prefer "unified") Church whose purpose is to "compel the unconvinced to become passionate followers of Christ." The weekly messages are taught from the Bible and how we should apply those messages to our daily lives. The Bible is the full and final authority on all faith matters. This is the book that everything we believe and do should be based upon. The Old and New Testaments were given to us by God and the principles of the Bible should shape the way we live.

I am not trying to knock Catholicism. But, I also do not think I would have the relationship with God that I live now if I were Catholic. My sins have been forgiven through the the blood sacrifice of my Savior, Jesus Christ. I do not need to confess them in a booth and repeat ten Hail Mary's and five of The Lord's Prayers to be forgiven. This is not written in the Bible. My goal now is eternal life. There is only one way to get there....through Jesus!


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Thank you Blue. I was goin to a church and reciently changed cause they didn't have a alter call to give your life to Jesus, they said if you need to be prayed for come down after the service, and when you walked in they would look at you and not greet you. Very clickish. Made you feel uncomfortable, and my wife didn't like it. So I went to a different on and I like it. But still when the pastor is done preachin he goes to the back and people go to him in the back and also to the alter to pray. I was taught that you go in front to give your life to God. Am I right on this? Some friends of ours have been telling my wife and she said she will go this Sunday. I hope. My kids like it too and the people make you feel welcomed and the pastor wants every one welcome to Gods house.

Yeah. She does. I just want her to ask Jesus into her heart to be her Lord and Saviror.

Gator, I just saw your from bridge city. You don't happen to go to common ground church do you? I was reading this and was thinking man that dude just described my church lol. Small world if so. I was a lot like your wife, raised catholic but quit going to church as soon as I was out of my parents house. Just started going to common ground about a year ago after 15 years away from the church. We love it there. My wife wanted to go to church for a couple years before that and I was holding out because it wasn't catholic but heck I wasn't going to a Catholic Church either so I figured any church is better than no church and we started going with her and our boys. Nothing wrong with Catholic Church to me, but I do think I'm much happier here than I would have been had we went back to a Catholic Church.
Anyway, I'll pray for y'all and your wife, maybe see y'all at church on Sunday lol

Walk outside. Look at the stars, look at your arms and legs, look all around you. That is your church. The reason people go to a building called a church with others is to validate their own beliefs. I do that every once in a while, too, but don't feel like I have to. I'm still a Catholic, but attend the Episcopal Church. We are no less worthy than those who attend church every day.

No one is saying anyone is less worthy, we are ALL worthy in Gods eyes, that's the beauty of it. If you choose not to attend church that's your choice. However, I personally don't go to church just to "validate" my beliefs. My beliefs are valid no matter where I am. I go to church to worship and because I enjoy it!

Cool deal, my names Danny. I work nights too , 7 on and 7 off. We go on my weekend off and sometimes I am able to get off early Saturday night when I do work to grab a few hours sleep and go to church. This is my weekend to work so I won't know until Sunday morning whether ill be able to make it or not.

Scratch that, just remembered I took of Saturday night for a wedding. We will be there Sunday morning